The Importance of Communication In Marriage

I am so grateful to my darling sister-in-law who is our guest writer today! Let me tell you a little about Natalie. She is just amazing! She is an incredible example, daughter, wife and friend to everyone she comes in contact with. When I think of someone who is thoughtful, smart and talented – I think of her! Natalie and I have only been sister-in-laws for a little over a year, but we had an immediate connection and it feels like we have been sisters forever. She has taught me how to be a better wife to my husband – and I have been married over four years longer than her! Today I am very excited to introduce you to Natalie, who will share a few tips with us on the importance of communication in marriage! Something that is sometimes hard to do! 😉 Take it away Natalie!

I’m so excited to be invited to be sharing on my sister-in-law’s blog! I have found it so helpful and so fun to read.  I was surprised when she invited me to share some of my thoughts on communication since I herald no title that would accredit me as an expert on the subject.  But as I thought about it, I am married and am a wife.  My husband and I have been happily married for just over a year and love it!  And what has gotten us to that point is good COMMUNICATION!  Starting out my husband and I had no idea how much we had to learn and still do.

I remember when we were first married and having our first fight.  I have no idea what it was about anymore, something small and dumb I am sure, but I remember it well.  We were in our first apartment and I wasn’t speaking to him and he wasn’t speaking to me.  He was angry sitting the living room and I was upset and had shut myself in the bedroom.  What had been so picture perfect less than an hour before seemed in complete ruin with such heightened emotion and this being our first experience with discord as a married couple.  I’m pretty sure I felt like it was the end of the world and that the honeymoon that was supposed to last years was over!  And though I may be a little dramatic, many of us have been there.

Trying to find resolution was even worse because we couldn’t accept how each of us were trying to get over the argument.  It was all just a big mess. I liked to figure problems out and solve and conflict right then and there.  My husband on the other hand liked to take time and sort through his emotions before solving and addressing the problem.  The way I approached the problem was rude and invasive and disrespectful of his feelings.  The way my husband handled it felt rude and like the silent treatment.  Neither was working.

I feel from that experience we began to learn so much about communication and its importance in a happy marriage (cause in a situation like that its sink or swim).  Here are just a few of the things that not only helped us over that first small bump in the road, but have helped us to be in the happy state we are today and still enjoying the honeymoon that I was so sure was over in those moments as a newlywed.

1.  Is UNDERSTANDING.  WE had to understand and accept that we each grew up dealing with problems differently and then find a solution that worked for us.  Now when we hit troubled waters, my husband still needs some time, but he tells me about how much time.  It requires more patience on my part but reassures me he wants a resolution and is working on it in his own way.

2. Is HAVING EARS TO LISTEN AND NOT JUST A MOUTH TO SPEAK.  I was so caught up in trying to tell him why I was right and he was wrong and was so offended that he didn’t seem to hear me because he was too busy trying to tell me why I was wrong and he was right.  We have learned that if you want to be heard you first need to listen.  And not just listen but let them know you are really listening by validating what they are saying. Listening is not just being quiet and waiting for your turn to speak, but taking what they are saying and trying to understand it. Validating where your spouse is coming from, will help get rid of the feeling that they are being attacked and will be more willing to listen to what you want them to hear.

3. Is NEVER ASSUME.  To assume is to be a lazy communicator.  Instead of assuming your spouse should have known, thought, or done this or that…ask them and be willing to communicate what you need their help with or want.  Not assuming and communicating will save a lot of disappointment and bring a lot of happiness in your marriage.

(And even now as I am writing this post, my sweet husband is sharing how he thinks I should write it.  I was sure to tell him I understood where he was coming from and didn’t assume he had no confidence in my ability to blog, and even listened to the advice he really wanted to give.  I even used some of it, and yes, I feel like a communicating hero.)

The next time things don’t seem to go quite right when trying to express yourself to your spouse, think; “where are they coming from and why are they handling it this way?” Let them know you understand what they are trying to say.  And ask yourself, did I communicate well?  Or did I assume somewhere along the way?

These simple tips have helped us come so far and grow so much and have made us so excited for the journey of our eternity that lies ahead.

Don’t forget to share! –

Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day!

June 11, 2014 by Danielle Davis | 9 Comments