Amber Brown is a mom of three beautiful kids through the miracle of adoption and IVF. She is a Registered Dietitian working part time from home. She was raised and currently resides in Utah and enjoys many of the outdoor activities it has to offer. She especially likes to spend her time cycling, hiking, and just being outside with her family!
How did I get to this place in my life?
Why me when everyone else seems to get pregnant so easily?
How did I find myself in such a deep dark depression?
These are just a few of the things I was asking myself in the midst of my infertility journey. When we started trying to get pregnant years ago, I was convinced that we would be one of those couples who gets pregnant on the first try. After all my mom and my sister were both incredibly fertile so I would be too, right?
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
photo from pixabay
After trying for about a year we went to a Reproductive Endocrinologist where they couldn’t find anything definitively wrong with either of us, but we were diagnosed with the dreaded infertility and given all sorts of statistics about how it would be next to impossible for us to get pregnant without medical intervention. I felt scared, alone, and completely hopeless. The one thing I wanted most in the world, to be a mom, may not happen for me.
I didn’t tell very many people about our diagnosis, but those I did tell often said things like, “Everything happens in God’s timing and when it’s right it will happen”. I knew this was true but it was the last thing I wanted to hear.
I wanted a baby and I wanted it now… not on someone else’s time.
I started to feel myself become angry with God and pleading with him to bless me with a baby now. Why was everyone else worthy of being a mom but I wasn’t? I felt like less of a woman. I found it was hard for me to attend church which was usually a place of solace and worship for me. I started to despise going. When I did go, I was constantly hearing about how the family is the center of the gospel and I felt like most the women there were mothers except for me. I constantly felt like a failure as a woman and in the church. How could I keep God’s commandment to have children when we were “infertile”?
It wasn’t until I let go and started trusting in God’s timing and began to realize that my worth as a woman was not defined by my ability to get pregnant that I could bear this trial a little easier and have the faith I needed to trust God. It was then that I realized that I had worth as a woman and could make a difference in the world and in the church whether I was a mother or not.
It’s easy to look back on a trial and understand why you had to go through it and to see why God’s timing was better than yours. The hardest part is trusting that timing in the midst of the trial.
I can’t say that I’m grateful for infertility, but I’m grateful for the lessons learned through infertility. I have learned a great deal of patience and have realized that people fight battles everyday that we don’t see so we need to be kind to everyone.
If you are in the midst of a trial, I promise you that God has not forgotten you. If you endure this trial and trust in God’s timing as best as you can, it will all work out in the end. It just may not work out the way you expected or wanted it to.
I am currently sitting with my newborn IVF twins and my adopted 19-month old. And although life is crazy with three small children I am beyond grateful for God’s timing. I am now a mom to three and it didn’t happen the way I expected. Instead it is so much better than I could have imagined. After years of negative pregnancy tests, many failed treatments, a miscarriage, and an adoption that didn’t happen – I can finally see how God’s hand led me to these three precious babes. I just had to hold on to that sliver of hope and put my trust in God.
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Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day! 
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