You’ve probably had a conversation similar to this before:
“Hey! How have you been? I haven’t seen you in forever!”
“Ya, it has been a while, good to see you.”
“It sure has. How’s your family? Is your wife still just at home with the little one?”
“They’re all great, ya she’s at home full time holdin’ down the fort.”
“That must be so nice. Can’t imagine what life would be like to be able to JUST be a mom at home.”
Just last week my wife and I had a similar experience with a woman we met up with while shopping for groceries. The conversation quickly turned to questions of employment (much like the conversation above) and when it did, my wife proudly proclaimed her choice to be at home full time. She was met with a sigh and a look that was akin to the self loving put downs of Gothel from Disney’s Tangled.
Photo from here.
Surprisingly, whenever my wife finds herself telling other people that she’s at home full time she is met with the same head tilted condescending response of “I could never do that, but good for you.”
Let it be known that it is not lost on me as a husband and as a male that there are women who desire to take their talents and apply them outside of the home through various modes of employment. In some cases women choose to work to simply support their families because they are a single mother or a single income is just not enough to pay the bills, I get that.
I also get that not every person we run into while buying groceries thinks that women who choose to be at home are of less worth than those who don’t but let’s take a second to break this down.
Here are some quick numbers to digest.
It was reported at the end of last year that since 1970 the amount of women in the work force has increased nearly 58%. According to one article there are currently a record 67.5 million women who are employed outside of the home today.
Women now sit as CEO’s to the world’s most recognizable and successful companies such as Yahoo, PepsiCo,Inc and General Motors (GM). Women contribute billions of dollars to the economy every year and are some of the most influential people with some of the most powerful positions in the world.
Those are very impressive facts and it is great for us as a society to work towards seeing each other as equals at home and at work.
That being said though, work force demographics are not what I am really here to address today. No, I am not wanting to discuss the importance of women having the right to work or equal pay or even anything to do with the feminist movement in general. I am here to speak solely to the lovely individuals who look down on my wife and other women because they choose to be JUST a mom.
Photo by our talented photographer Canico Studios
Our society today has taken an unfortunate turn down a dangerous cultural path. In recent history we have molded our public forums of opinion to ignore fundamental truths in order to advance not so hidden agendas of specific special interest groups. This path of controlled thinking influences the majority of us to shy away from standing up for what we believe in because somehow, someway, our ideals could offend someone, somewhere. I want to break away from the pack today and say to the world, it’s not a bad thing to be JUST a mom. In many ways, the world is held up on the back of moms everywhere.
Photo from here.
The JUST moms of the world do not have “jobs” they clock in and out of. They work in the trenches of thankless labor filled with dirty diapers and hours of endless homework. They do not get paid on commission or overtime and do not receive a Christmas bonus for hitting their laundry quota for the quarter. They put in the hours and don’t think twice about what they will receive in return.
Recently there was a wonderful article that broke down the labor of a mom on a day-to-day basis and then calculated how much a mom’s salary would be if she were compensated for her work. Not so surprisingly, being JUST a mom brings in nearly three times the revenue than the majority of jobs that college graduates received coming out of school in 2013.
Photo from here.
When my wife and I were first married she became very successful in her line of work. She received promotion after promotion and excelled through the ranks of the hotel industry. I was extremely proud of her. In 2013, we had our first child and we decided that though life wasn’t going to be filled with fancy cars and trips while I continued to work on my education, she was going to stay home because the future of our child was worth the sacrifice.
I think that the predominately influential Nelson Mendella stated very profoundly that “children are our greatest treasure, they are our future.”
The choice to stay home for her was seen as the greatest promotion of all. Choosing to be JUST a mom was a choice to lay the foundation of our family built on the knowledge that investing in our children is a plan to invest in the future.
Children are our greatest treasure, they are our future.” – Nelson Mandella {TWEET THIS}
The home is a safe place set a part for learning, for growing, for mistakes, for success and especially for love. Mothers are the most integral part of the success of the family. Taking them out of the home and behind a computer screen in a cubicle does nothing but tare down the foundation of what children need to be successful.
Often times I wonder how I could have better responded to that woman we met with at the grocery store. I wish I had done a better job to convey to her how important being JUST a mom truly is. Even though I am sure she would have went on her way and continued to think less of women without drawers full of W-2 forms, she would have known how proud I am of my wife even though she’s JUST a mom.
So, as you read this, if you are JUST a mom, I want you to know that you have a tremendous amount of worth. Your daily labor busily being the back bone of your family and our society is a decision that is more valuable than any paycheck.
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Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day! 
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Heather
January 28, 2015 at 11:15 pm (9 years ago)What bothers me about the phrase “just a mom” has nothing to do with judgements of stay at home moms. It’s that you are never defined by just one thing, even where that thing is your biggest priority. Your wife sounds awesome and like a great mom, but I would bet that anyone who calls her “just a mom” isn’t recognizing that she’s probably funny and charming, and maybe a great card player or a runner, or an artist, and a wife, sister, mother – all of those lovely things that make up who she is. Just as I, a working mother, am not “just” a working mother or my job title. We’re both so much more and until we all start seeing that in each other, we’ll never recognize that we have more in common than we have differences.
Personally, I think the perfect response to “are you still just a mom?” is a smile, a little shrug and a “I don’t think any of us are *just* any one thing.” or from you “No, she’s much more than just any one thing, but she is one awesome mom.” If that doesn’t get the point across (and flatter your awesome wife), I don’t know what would.
Jaimi@TheStayatHomeMomSurvivalGuide
December 7, 2014 at 3:38 am (9 years ago)Absolutely! We lie to ourselves when we do not at least acknowledge the relationship in timing of the rise of women in the workforce and the instability of families. I do not judge women who work outside of the home, but like you, I make it my passion to make sure SAHMs know their value! Kudos to you and your husband for sharing this-it is so similar to the great piece Matt Walsh wrote on his blog that opened up this discussion about a year ago. It is a discussion that needs to keep happening so women know being “just” a mom is a valid choice. God bless!
Christina
November 17, 2014 at 7:00 pm (9 years ago)I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. The sad part is, I can say from experience, you’re judged equally either way. Believe me, I’ve received it both ways. Working moms will say hurtful things to SAHM and SAHM say hurtful things to working moms. We shouldn’t spend time dictating which is better. Each family is different and benefits from different experiences. I’m not saying that this article is doing this. I understand that you are conveying that what your wife does is important. However, what every good mom does (whether working or not) is important. Every mom works overtime without pay, endless nights, etc. The sad truth is, in this society moms are judged the hardest. Every single decision we make is criticized. And it sucks. But it’s the truth. You have to learn to be proud of yourself and confident in what you are doing, irregardless of what others say, because whether you’re working or staying at home, you’ll be criticized.
Danielle Davis
November 25, 2014 at 6:18 pm (9 years ago)Hi Christina! Thanks so much for your great comments. It is so sad isn’t it that we are judged without knowing our situations? I agree with you that moms that try and moms that do their best are important. We all have different obstacles to overcome and we should be cheering each other one and not belittling those who do things differently. It’s my hope that this article can inspire others to help each other instead of thinking less of them.
Cassie
November 17, 2014 at 5:28 pm (9 years ago)Our first baby is now 4 months old. I can relate to some of what you were saying. The funniest and sadest at the same time thing I think I get is “what do you do all day? ” as if the baby stays in her crib and sleeps the whole day! Ha ha
Danielle Davis
November 25, 2014 at 6:21 pm (9 years ago)I totally know what you mean Cassie. It is so crazy just keeping up! Thanks so much for your comment!
Randi
November 13, 2014 at 2:55 am (9 years ago)Thank you! My youngest just entered Kindergarten this year and I feel expected to go “back” to work (I had our first child in college so I’ve never had a full-time job other than summer jobs) from so many others. However, my husband and I decided WE both want me to continue to stay home. If I wanted to work, I know he’d support me 100% but I can’t juggle that much. I don’t want to. I’m a happier, saner person for “just” staying home.
Danielle Davis
November 25, 2014 at 6:20 pm (9 years ago)Hi Randi! That’s so fun that your youngest is getting so big! It’s such a life changing thing when they grow up and move on. I am excited for you for this next stage of life and proud of you for “just” staying home. I know your family will be blessed for your decision. Thanks so much for your comment!