To The Woman Who Wants To Have A Baby

About 6% of married women 15–44 years of age in the United States are unable to get pregnant after one year of unprotected sex (infertility). Also, about 12% of women 15–44 years of age in the United States have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term, regardless of marital status (impaired fecundity). {Stats found here}

It isn’t easy.

It isn’t easy putting on a smile at baby showers, when deep inside you are really hurting.

It isn’t easy going on Facebook and seeing {what seems like ALL of} your friends announcing they are pregnant with cute baby bump pictures.

It isn’t easy seeing other women taking their role as a mother for granted.

In fact, it isn’t easy, so you fall on your knees every night, praying…pleading…BEGGING that you will be able to have a baby of your own soon.

If you know what I am talking about…THIS is for you…

To The Woman Who Wants To Have A Baby:

To The Woman Who Wants A Baby

Photos by Christine Olson Photography

I want you to know that I see you. And that I am going through exactly what you are going through too.

You know – smiling on the outside, but hurting on the inside?

I have been thinking a lot about you recently, as I have been asked the questions, “When are you going to have another one?” and “You know she is almost three – it is overdue for your second.”

And suddenly all of my emotions from fertility treatments come racing back and I get nervous. I get anxious. My heart longs to hold a newborn baby. My body aches to feel a kick inside of me. And tears fill my eyes as I realize what a struggle it is for me…and for you… for these things to happen.

To the woman who wants a baby, I have ten things I want you to remember:

1. Your journey of becoming a mom is different than the norm, but that doesn’t make it any less special: In FACT, I think it makes it even MORE special. Through each negative pregnancy test and each tear in your eye. Through each shot in your belly and blood drawn from your arm. Through the days at doctors appointments and nights on your knees. Through your dreams and wishes and doubts and fears, YOU are something special.

2. It is worth it…I promise: For those of you, like me, who are moms, but are struggling to have another – you know what I mean when I say it is worth it. After several surgeries, four years of treatments, failed procedures and nearly six months of bed rest – I can tell you with all of my heart, it was worth it. It was worth it ALL. In fact, it was so worth it, that is why I am willing to try it all over again and hope that YOU will too.

To The Woman Who Wants A Baby

3. Take care of yourself: It is easy to get wrapped up in things to do and people to please – but the most important thing you can do right now is to take care of YOU. When you set yourself as a priority, you have more energy, you feel better mentally, physically and emotionally AND you will be able to find joy. This struggle is extremely hard on your body and mind, so taking care of YOU is the best thing you can do.

4. You can do hard things: Sometimes we are asked to do a lot more in this life than we think we can handle. You may have to try and fail and try again. You may have to fall and pick yourself up again. You may have to run faster, even though you are out of breath. You may have to keep going, even though you don’t think you can go any further. You may have to do what seems to be impossible, because it actually might end up being possible. And most importantly you should always remember to keep moving towards where you want to be, no matter what is in front of you.

5. It is normal to feel exhausted: “Trying” is exhausting. There are articles to read, apps that will tell you when it is “time”, lists of foods people will tell you to eat, medications you can take, oils that you can rub, doctors that you can see and a million things you can do that have worked for other people so you will want to try them too. And with every passing day, you will be tired. You will be ready to give up on it all. You will ask yourself, “Is it even worth all of this?!”

6. It is okay to be sad: In fact, sometimes a good cry is healthy. Your life is really, really hard. And every day, you are going through one of the hardest trials. I suggest to allow yourself to be sad for 10 minutes every morning. You can cry and have your own pity party for yourself. But after those 10 minutes are up, I encourage you to pick yourself up and focus on something else.

7. Everyone is different: Be careful not to compare yourself or your story with ANYONE else’s. Every situation is different. Every story is unique. You write yours – and they will write theirs. What works for them, may not work for you. Do what is best for YOU and what you are comfortable with. We each have our own struggles and trials and we all will handle things that come our way differently.

To The Woman Who Wants A Baby

8. Things don’t always work out…and that is okay: That is a tough one to say. I hope you will remember that everything happens for a reason…even if we do not understand the reasoning at this moment. Jeffrey R. Holland said, “Don’t you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don’t come until heaven…but they come.”

9. You aren’t alone: And you NEVER ever will be. It is important to talk about your struggle and to find other women or couples that are going through this too. I promise you are not the only one.

10. It isn’t easy: Lastly, I hope you will remember that it isn’t easy. It is NOT. And with every passing day, it might even get harder. But I know for a fact, that the greatest things in life, are truly worth waiting for. And a baby is THE greatest thing… so even if it isn’t easy… it will be worth it.

This post is dedicated to all women who struggle with infertility on a daily basis. I want each of you to know that you are not alone and miracles do happen. 

12 Comments on To The Woman Who Wants To Have A Baby

  1. Lynn
    April 14, 2017 at 4:41 am (2 weeks ago)

    My miracle is 21 years old. I went through it all from the age of 21 to 30. We gave up then because we, expecially me, could not stand it anymore. You know smiling and pretending everything is fine when you are dieing on the inside a little more each month. At the age of 39, I conceived the most wonderful miracle. I was pregnant with a very handsome little boy who has been my life.Heis graduating from College in May. My miracle and blessing from God. Patience is hard, but it is not when we want,but when you are ready. God is in control.

    Reply
  2. Cleona
    February 8, 2017 at 12:53 am (3 months ago)

    Thank you for this.

    Reply
  3. Kristen
    January 31, 2017 at 2:25 pm (3 months ago)

    Thank you for sharing this! It was just what I needed to read this morning. I have a 2 year old and we have been trying for a year to have another, and just suffered a miscarriage on Thanksgiving. It Is awful and we want to try again, but reading this made me feel like someone else understands all these emotions, and that is such a blessing to me. Thank you.

    Reply
  4. Ashley
    January 21, 2017 at 6:22 pm (3 months ago)

    I really needed this today. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost a year. In October we were certain we were pregnant. We weren’t. We found out a family member was pregnant a few days later. It has been hard hearing all of her updates, knowing that if I had been pregnant, I would be hitting the same milestones as she is now. Another month has gone by and there is still no baby. I don’t know how to handle my disappointment.

    Reply
  5. Hauyi
    January 1, 2017 at 4:20 am (4 months ago)

    One year later and this is still relevant. Thank you.

    Reply
  6. Colleen
    October 20, 2016 at 8:27 pm (6 months ago)

    Thank you for this. <3

    Reply
  7. Priscilla
    October 20, 2016 at 12:54 pm (6 months ago)

    My husband & I are in our early 40’s and have been ttc naturally for alot of years & also with AI ,IUI and 2 failed IVF cycles one which ended in miscarriage. It has been a rocky journey mentally,emotionally and physically and financially. Unfortunately we need to recover and rest a bit. We pray so hard & continue to have faith that some day soon we will be blessed with a miracle bundle of joy. So happy to hear of everyone’s happy endings. This story hits every point we have gone through & I really needed to hear it. Thank you & God Bless us all

    Reply
  8. Jackie
    March 15, 2016 at 12:00 am (1 year ago)

    I’m currently pregnant with my first, but I still very much remember the heartache I went through for the 2 years it took for us to finally get it. The things I thought and felt will most likely haunt me for the rest of my life because sometimes I was so angry I bought horrible things about friends and family. Our journey to motherhood seems to be built so steep with many cliffs. My husband and I were talking about things yesterday about what things we would change if we could, and he said we would have started trying sooner. I told him that I would like that for the fact that I had wanted to start trying 2 years prior, but I’m glad that it took this long. I’m not saying I’m glad I went through this struggle because it was so very painful for me, but that I’m glad it didn’t happen right away. I was 20 years old when we started trying, and I look back now and think that at that time I wanted a baby, not just because I wanted to be a mother, but also because I felt like I needed to prove to myself and my parents that I could be a better parent than they were. Now at 23 years old, and 6 weeks and 2 days away from my due date, I don’t have that feeling anymore. I KNOW I can be, and will be, better than my parents because I have a totally different view of what it means to be a mom. I have an appreciation for pregnancy and parenthood than they ever could have had. They took it for granted, and I see it as a blessing and I see it as a privilege. Now I feel like I can look at my child as the most amazing gift in my life, and I won’t look at her as a challenge to prove myself to be a good parent. The struggle was so worth it.

    Reply
  9. Stacy
    November 13, 2015 at 8:01 am (1 year ago)

    Thank you SO much for sharing this. My son was almost 9 years old when we finally had our second baby. Our boys are far apart in age but they are two peas in a pod and adore each other. My baby boy is almost 19 months old and I am craving another. My fears of not being able to conceive again have kicked in. When I had my c-cection with my second I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I had no idea until that moment in the O.R. that, that was the reason for my 8+ year stint of secondary infertility. The doctors said that the fact I even got pregnant was a miracle ten fold because my condition was so advanced. My baby boy, Bundle of joy is more than a miracle. He is a Godsend. I treasure every moment, knowing that he might be my last.
    I have a sister who has struggled with infertility for 12 years with no success of any children and another sister who can conceive with the snap of her fingers. We are all unique, our stories are the same and different. But God loves us all individually and He knows our desires to have little ones and to be blessed with the honor of raising them. I don’t know if I will have another baby, I pray every day, exercising faith in my Heavenly Father to bless our family in the ways that we need. If that means another soul joins our family, words can’t express how grateful I will be. But I consider myself very fortunate to have my sons, and what wonderful blessings they are.

    Reply
  10. Danielle - The Creative Bite
    November 12, 2015 at 1:37 am (1 year ago)

    Thank for this. We are 2.5 years in and still trying for our first. It can feel defeating but I appreciate honest and hopeful articles like this. ❤

    Reply
  11. Brianna
    November 11, 2015 at 4:53 am (1 year ago)

    My little is six…ive been on fertility meds over a year…i just found im 13 weeks pregnant…my baby will be born three months before my daughter turns seven…it was worth it…right when i started to give up i got pregnant

    Reply
  12. Mollie
    November 11, 2015 at 3:56 am (1 year ago)

    This is a wonderful article. I was able to get pregnant 9 years ago via fertility treatments and it was worth every needle poke and blood draw. I have been there on my knees praying for the chance to have another child. I have gone through bouts of sadness in dealing with the pressure other women put on me to have more children. I did not have another one when every else thought I should. I just found out last week that I am 5 weeks pregnant. It happened naturally and I am so thankful for this article to remind me that is wasn’t easy, but it is worth it. Every struggle has been worth is.

    Reply

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